The Four Fundamental Forces of HK Clubbing

 

The physics that govern our universe are a lot more personal than we think. The forces that dictate the movement of atoms and planets are also manifest on a Friday night out in Hong Kong, in a dark, crowded, cigarette-smoke-and-EDM-music filled club on Lan Kwai Fung, acting upon a field of lonely guys and girls looking for fun, romance or an escape from reality. 

After countless rigorous scientific experiments, I present to you the four fundamental forces of Hong Kong's clubbing scene. Given severe underdevelopment in the field of nightlife physics, any suggested revisions to my theory are more than welcome.

1. Strong Nuclear Force

The strong nuclear force is the strongest of the four forces, but only works at extremely close range. Powerful, primal lust glues a nucleus of male and female together, observable from an act laymen call "dancing" or "grinding." This force is so strong it overpowers any repulsion the male and female would have for each other under normal, more brightly-lit circumstances. However, any attraction is ultimately temporary as once the two subjects move more than 1.5m apart, the strong nuclear force ceases to exist.

2. Weak Nuclear Force

Oh, the weak nuclear force, the most misunderstood and overlooked force of all--even I don't profess to know exactly how it works. I can only say that the magnitude of this force is directly proportional to the number of alcoholic drinks the subject has had at the club. Responsible for radioactive decay, the weak force breaks down a fully functional adult into a sad shell of himself, a lost cellphone and useless energy. This force is the root of all instability, poor life decisions and lost memories, but without it life would be less interesting, I suppose.

Origin of the weak nuclear force

3. Electromagnetic Force

The electromagnetic force is Attraction 101: Opposites attract, likes repel. Made famous in Hollywood romantic movies and Jane Austen novels, this force can be observed in the club as well, when a serious and cynical investment banker buys a drink for a cute and talkative English teacher, or when a successful career woman hits on a starving artist. The electromagnetic force works regardless of distance, but from my observations there are definitely exceptions to the rule.

4. Gravity

Gravity--my favorite and the most mysterious force of all. Irrelevant at close ranges and thus not commonly felt at a club, but on the grand scale of things, this is the force that could change your life. When two people feel a gravitational pull towards each other, their attraction is inevitable, as gravity is always attractive and impossible to stop, rendering the subjects defenseless to its power. As they orbit each other, their masses distort space and time, altering their realities forever. The past and the future, friends and family, all these become specks of cosmic dust and all that matters is the present, the imminent free-fall, the cross over the event horizon into a black hole called destiny (or perhaps even love?) Few escape unscathed, but most come out wiser. While the idea of finding a significant relationship at a club seems ridiculous, once in a blue moon the stars do align to bring two people together.