The
physics that govern our universe are a lot more personal than we think.
The forces that dictate the movement of atoms and planets are also
manifest on a Friday night out in Hong Kong, in a dark, crowded,
cigarette-smoke-and-EDM-music filled club on Lan Kwai Fung, acting upon a
field of lonely guys and girls looking for fun, romance or an escape
from reality.
After
countless rigorous scientific experiments, I present to you the four
fundamental forces of Hong Kong's clubbing scene. Given severe
underdevelopment in the field of nightlife physics, any suggested
revisions to my theory are more than welcome.
1. Strong Nuclear Force
The
strong nuclear force is the strongest of the four forces, but only
works at extremely close range. Powerful, primal lust glues a nucleus of
male and female together, observable from an act laymen call "dancing"
or "grinding." This force is so strong it overpowers any repulsion the
male and female would have for each other under normal, more
brightly-lit circumstances. However, any attraction is ultimately
temporary as once the two subjects move more than 1.5m apart, the strong
nuclear force ceases to exist.
2. Weak Nuclear Force
Oh,
the weak nuclear force, the most misunderstood and overlooked force of
all--even I don't profess to know exactly how it works. I can only say
that the magnitude of this force is directly proportional to the number
of alcoholic drinks the subject has had at the club. Responsible for
radioactive decay, the weak force breaks down a fully functional adult
into a sad shell of himself, a lost cellphone and useless energy. This
force is the root of all instability, poor life decisions and lost
memories, but without it life would be less interesting, I suppose.
 |
| Origin of the weak nuclear force |
The
electromagnetic force is Attraction 101: Opposites attract, likes
repel. Made famous in Hollywood romantic movies and Jane Austen novels,
this force can be observed in the club as well, when a serious and
cynical investment banker buys a drink for a cute and talkative English
teacher, or when a successful career woman hits on a starving artist.
The electromagnetic force works regardless of distance, but from my
observations there are definitely exceptions to the rule.
4. Gravity
Gravity--my
favorite and the most mysterious force of all. Irrelevant at close
ranges and thus not commonly felt at a club, but on the grand scale of
things, this is the force that could change your life. When two people
feel a gravitational pull towards each other, their attraction is
inevitable, as gravity is always attractive and impossible to stop,
rendering the subjects defenseless to its power. As they orbit each other, their masses distort space and time, altering their realities
forever. The past and the future, friends and family, all these become
specks of cosmic dust and all that matters is the present, the imminent
free-fall, the cross over the event horizon into a black hole called
destiny (or perhaps even love?) Few escape unscathed, but most come out wiser. While the idea of finding a significant relationship at a club seems ridiculous, once in a blue moon the stars do align to bring two people together.
